Due Process: Why I Love Blago

The Senate seat “is a f*cking valuable thing, you just don’t give it away for nothing.”

Blago’s hair was on a news interview tour de force the past several weeks. For us, the viewer, it was nothing short of surreal and somewhat unsettling to suddenly view the man on our High Definition Screens sitting next to the likes of Larry King and David Letterman.

Even comedian D.L. Hughley “broke the news” with Milorad “Rod” Blagojevich on CNN.

I like Blago for two reasons. First, the obvious: his wonderful hair has provided countless hours of entertainment.  Second: He’s easy to disparage in a time when people are livid about their lives and the world around them. With the loss of 600,000 jobs in January alone and the world economic meltdown, Blago is a large hydraulically filled punching bag.

“All I ask for is an opportunity to be able to address these allegations and show my innocence”, Blago told Larry King, on Jan. 26th, adding, “Snippets of conversations taken out of full context is unfair.”

As much as Blago disappointed everyone by reminding us of the true face of American politics, one important fact can be gleaned from Blago’s fantastic TV interviews: with the aid of the “drive-by” news media, we are very efficient at sentencing people to life imprisonment in the formidable court of public opinion. Blago is scummy.

But there is an “inconvenient truth” that we must deal with called the United States Constitution, and particularly, the Fifth Amendment to the United States Constitution, which deals with the pesky belief that everyone deserves due process:

“No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.”

Blago was impeached and convicted on January 29th by a Senate vote of 59-0, but impeachment is a political, not a criminal conviction. Blago still faces federal indictment charges in the future, unless he changes his plea to guilty or nolo contendere, enters into a plea agreement, charges are dropped, or President Obama pardons him (yeah, unlikely).

I love to hate Blago too; it’s purely delightful. However, perhaps we should respect the Fifth Amendment and consider … oh, nevermind, who made it into the Top 36 on American Idol this week??

Gumballs and Lemon Drops: The Pre-HOA Era

Once upon a time … it was a time of gumballs and lemon drops.  Before Blagojevich, Edwards, and Spitzer. Before OBL.

Children (well, high schoolers) listened to Def Leppard and Metallica while the Christian Right dubbed it “devil-music”; Ferris Bueller eluded convicted sex offender Jeffrey Jones (the principal) while Molly Ringwald and Emilio Esteviz captured our hearts and youthful lust for independence in The Breakfast Club.

Yes, we are discoursing on the Pre-HOA era of our lackluster youth.

Life was good here on earth (at least in the Western half just this side of the Prime Meridian).

Although Homeowners Associations did not actually gain much traction in the Land of the Free until 1964, most middle class communities lived at peace with one another all the through the 70s, 80s, and perhaps early 90s, without the astute and sage assistance of HOA board members (or as the natives call them in their mother-tongue: meddling fascist bastards).

I remember growing up in an appropriately landscaped neighborhood in the slightly wealthy suburb of Encino, California. At 16, my girlfriend was a slightly younger beautiful JAP–no, not a girl of Japanese descent, but a prominent Jewish American Princess who happened to be a cheerleader no less), and we all lived at peace with one another–Jews, Gentiles, and the like.

Sure, every now and again we might drive by a pink house that was blue the day yonder, or someone might leave the trash out an extra night; but so what? We were happy.

Americans did not yet know that in about a decade their duly elected representatives would be training their future nemesis, a small group known as, quote, “The Taliban”, to fend off the Russian invasion of a small landlocked country called the Islamic Republic of Afghanistan (oh, with the aid of great American allies, Saudi Arabia and the Pakastani secret service). But that’s neither here nor now.

The point is, all great empires are built upon the shoulders of great men and women who came before them; our great and honored HOAs owe their incendiary success to such great leaders as Stalin and Gladys Kravitz from Bewitched.