Who is my Family?

There came then his brethren and his mother, and, standing without, sent unto him, calling him. 32 And the multitude sat about him, and they said unto him, Behold, thy mother and thy brethren without seek for thee. 33 And he answered them, saying, Who is my mother, or my brethren? 34 And he looked round about on them which sat about him, and said, Behold my mother and my brethren! 35 For whosoever shall do the will of God, the same is my brother, and my sister, and mother. (Mark 3:31-35)

Who is my family?  This astounding question deeply preoccupied me the first several years before and after I married my wife, Mary, and had my first child–and still does, to this day.  Stemming from Jesus’ words, in Mark 3:31-35, where Jesus rhetorically and pointedly asks, “Who is my mother and my brothers?”

This passage of Scripture always resonated as an emotionally intangible concept. Although I could intellectually understand it, it has always been an extreme challenge to put God first above my children, whose life I put above my own.

The notion clearly exuded the idea that my family was not necessarily my mother, my father, my brother, my children, not necessarily those related by blood—but by the blood of Christ, the blood of Jesus Himself.  Jesus answers His own question: “Those who do the will of God.  These are my mother and my brothers”.

As a husband and a parent, years have passed and I look at my wife, Mary, and think, yes—beyond anything else she is my family.  I think of my son, Israel, and think, yes, he is beyond any shadow of a doubt, my family.  I look at my son, Alasdair, and yes, he is my son, my family.  If not my children, then who?  Who is closer to me than my wife, my kids that I love so much? Since then I have had 2 daughters also, completing our family of 6, including my wife and I.

Years ago, while thinking in the abstract, it was much easier to accept those “who do the will of God” as my true family.  When I was coming of age, becoming an independent adult who was obtaining spiritual, emotional, and financial freedom from my parents, this Biblical concept was much easier to fathom and grasp.

Who is my family?  My wife and children?  My parents?  My friends?  My “brothers in the Lord”? Was Jesus being literal? What was he really trying to accomplish by such a radical statement?

The religious answer and the answer that I was taught many times at “church” and by mainstream pastors is clear. But is it sufficient? The challenge that many pastors face is that there is a common, accepted answer to many of the Bible’s formidable questions. Once these questions have been answered to some satisfiable degree, further research and insight into such topics become largely unnecessary. An acceptable answer is passed on through the church “grapevine”, leadership conferences, cell groups, and so on, and the deeper answer is no longer negotiated among the Body of Living Believers who make up the True Church.

We must love God first—above all, including our family.  And we must consider those who truly follow God, our spiritual family, our “brothers and sisters in the Lord”.  Those inside the circle of God’s redemptive blood, shed through our Savior Jesus Christ.

But does this answer satisfy me as a human being?  Emotionally?  Practically and in a real-life, day to day sense? It certainly satisfies me intellectually and perhaps even spiritually. But does it speak to my heart? or even my soul?

It satisfies my being, but not always my heart.  I suppose there are moments in my life and seasons … when I understand.  And times when I don’t.

Is the mainstream interpretation we have been taught sufficient and truly what God meant?  Somehow I do not think it is.

More insight on this topic would resonate deep within all of us who struggle with the question of putting God before family; if we thought deeply about this question, and even if we arrive, in the end, at the conclusion of loving God first–before our children and families–we must have struggled to come to such a choice as this, unless we are being dishonest and superficial in our dealings with God and our selves.

From the Mouth of Babes

Recently, my son, who at age of five is extraordinarily spiritual, was consumed with the question also: “I love you and God the same”, he would tell me. Then, on another night, he might proclaim, “I love God, and then I love you”. Yet again, on another night, he might add, “I love you more than God!”–expressing how truly deep his love for me truly is.

On the first occassion, my son had expressed his desire to love both God, His Heavenly Father and me, his earthly father the same, because it seemed fair and right to his mind. On the second night, he had expressed his spiritual and intellectual understanding by stating that his love for God takes precedence over all earthly things. And on the third night, my son had expressed his heart and soul.

Perhaps we are all a bit like this–expressing different parts of our being, and struggling daily, to put God first when sometimes our hearts and minds can only grasp the immediate love that is before us in the world that God has created.

I have only recently come to terms with this profound question of loyalty between family and God. In my heart, I love my children absolutely; there is no greater love–and that kind of absolute love is a Godly love that comes only from God. When I love my children with a Godly passion, the question of who I love more no longer exists emotionally; for when I love my children, I am loving God–for He made them and everything I love about them comes from Him.

So maybe we have not accurately framed the question; maybe there is no question at all. When we love our children with that utter sense of abandon and fidelity, we are, after all, loving God.